Dojikko-Ken!
by Tritan Z
Summary: Unsatisfied with her Martial Arts progress, Akane discovers an ancient, powerful new school for her to learn. Can she trip and stumble her way to being the top Martial Artist in town?
1. The Clumsy Start of a Long Journey

It was a familiar sight by now. Ten or so boys gathered impatiently in the front courtyard wearing protective gear. They stood there tall, ready for battle. They knew that this could very easily go so very badly for them, they knew that their chances of success were slim to none. But they had to try. Such was their devotion. Such was their love (though that was merely the way they justified it to themselves. Lust was the true emotion driving them each day into this rather foolish action). It was a smaller crowd than it had been when this had all started, numbers seeming to dwindle daily. By now there were only the most determined left.

"She's coming!" one yelled, and as one they braced for impact. Just down the street a dust cloud was gathering. At the centre of it was the girl barelling towards them, long blue hair trailing behind her. It was almost time for battle.

"I'm so late!" Akane yelled as she stepped into the school grounds. As one, the crowd of boys charged towards her. Each vying individually for the right to date her. Each desperate for the chance, just a chance to in spite of all this morning fight nonsense they were nice people down underneath. But just as the first of them reached her, something happened. Something unbelievable, utterly incredible and almost beautiful in execution.

Akane Tendo tripped over absolutely nothing, falling to the ground with nothing more than an "eek!" But as she fell, her head collided hard with the protective gear on his chest. She grabbed his shoulders and turned her head up, saying "Thank you" as she did so... incidentally striking him on the chin with the top of her head making the poor boy see stars.

Two others made their attempt next, attempting to grab her from either side. Only trouble was, Akane turned around to pick up her bag, which she'd dropped on the ground just at the very instant that the two dove for her. Some may be imagining that the two of them collided in mid-air and bounced away but that is a rather ridiculous thought. Instead, the two toppled onto Akane's back, and when she stood back up they somehow managed to topple over onto the other side. For good measure Akane let out a yawn, clipping two others with her outstretched arms, effectively clotheslining them to the ground.

The remaining five all charged at her at once. Just in time for Akane to trip on one of the legs of a fallen boy. Her hands fell out flat, striking the ground, and the next thing anyone knew Akane was sitting in the middle of five semi-conscious boys who all had foot marks on their faces.

"Whoops!" Akane winked, sticking her tongue out while playfully rapping a fist against her head. "Clumsy me!" She stood up, dusted herself off and made to run towards the entrance to the building.

"A fine display as always, Akane Tendo. But my eyes are not so easily deceived!"

A rose shot out of nowhere, barely missing Akane's head as she turned around seeming a little confused about where the voice was coming from. Kuno stepped out from behind a tree.

"Oh, there you are! Hello Kuno! Sorry! I'm running a little late today. Could you do this tomorrow instead?"

"You are always running late!" Kuno declared, waving his bokken at Akane. "Today, I shall prove that you are more than you seem! I know the truth, Miss Tendo! You are a formidable martial artist that, for whatever reason, hides your true self behind a curtain of deception! The same curtain that masks your true feelings for me! I shall lift this curtain today, and then we shall date! Defend yourself!"

The bokken swung through the air, and Akane let out a high pitched eek, and she instinctively raised her arms just as anyone would in such a situation. But surely her arms could not prevent a well placed strike with a bokken by one that is proficient with it? At least, not without causing some rather significant pain in the arms afterwards. Right?

That would only be the case if the blow ever struck the arms. In this particular instance the arms were safe. Her hasty attempt to block had a rather odd side effect of causing the bag she was carrying to raise in the air, wrap itself around the bokken mid-strike, and for the sudden additional weight to completely throw Kuno off balance. Thus when Akane followed the next instinctive reaction - to duck - she wound up quite accidentally giving Kuno a picture perfect back body drop.

With all of her obstacles removed at last, Akane barely made it into class on time. But the question remains: Why is this Akane behaving in this manner?

* * *

It had all started long ago.

Years beforehand, Soun Tendo had made sure that all three of his daughters knew the basics of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. At the very least enough to defend themselves. While Kasumi and Nabiki had accepted it for their father's sake, Akane was the only one who truly took to the lessons. Took to them the same way a fish takes to swimming.

It didn't take long for Akane to become the daughter closest to him. While Kasumi and Nabiki were closer to their mother, Akane was Daddy's Girl 100%. She spent hours in the Dojo with him, learning the forms and techniques of the school. Soun showed her secret tricks that he hadn't shown any of his other students. He proudly declared her to be the heir to his Art and the Dojo. She was a prodigy and would have been one of the greatest Martial Artists alive.

Then, when Akane was but ten years old, Mrs. Tendo died. To say that Soun Tendo broke would be understating it. Some of the neighbors were afraid that the Tendo daughters would soon lose both parents with Soun going to join his wife.

While, ultimately, he didn't go that far, he still would never be the same. He couldn't find it in himself to care about much of anything any more. So the training stopped. Within the span of a few weeks Akane had gone from daily training sessions to nothing. Finally, after months of prodding her father she managed to get him into the dojo… once a week for an hour or two at most.

And so, Akane's training stagnated. Only the slightest, most incremental improvements for the next five years followed…

* * *

Akane was in her last year of middle school and, to put it bluntly, **frustrated as hell.**

She had just come home from school, the events of the day having driven her near insane.

Now, Akane was a very athletic girl. She was already the Captain of the school Volleyball team, helped up their baseball and basketball teams a lot, and more than once had been asked to join the Gymnastics team. (If she had known it was Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics, she would have said yes, but alas she did not so the events of this tale happen) However, the one club she really wanted to join was the Martial Arts Club. Now, you might think that being the daughter of Town Councilman and respected Dojo Master Soun Tendo getting into that club would be easy.

However, a few quirks about her Martial Arts club kept her from getting in. Namely, that it was All Boys. All boys who did not want any "dumb weak girls" in their club. She was rejected flat out the first year of Middle School She tried again the next, but the same sexist jerk was in charge. This year, the club had been under new leadership. So she had tried again. Once again though, the new Captain refused. Having been rebuffed twice already, Akane had enough.

 _"I challenge you!" She shouted after being rejected by the current Captain, Ryutaro._

 _"Huh..?" He said, a bit confused._

 _"I challenge you to a fight, here and now!" Akane shouted, "If I beat you then you have to let me into the club!"_

 _Ryutaro was taken aback. He hadn't been expecting this, having seen her try and barge into the club twice in the years he had been going to this school. "Uhh…." He didn't want a girl in the club, and he didn't want to look bad beating up some girl. Yet he couldn't back down from a challenge like that. Then an idea came to him, putting on a smirk he threw on the bravado. "Really, Tendo? I thought you lived in a dojo, don't you know how it works?" That brought snickers from the crowd ."If you want to challenge me you first have to beat.." he gestured towards the rest of the club, "All of the other club members. From the weakest the strongest."_

 _It took all of a second for Akane to nod. "Fine! If that's how you want to do it!"_

 _Ryutaro patted himself on the back. This way he wouldn't have to do anything! Akane would lose quickly enough, and he wouldn't be the one to look bad._

 _It took Akane five minutes to beat the first half of the club. The Martial Arts club had thirty-three members. Akane chewed through the fifteen first year members faster than they could put on their gis. The twelve second years didn't last much longer. Finally, the six third year members, the most experienced and skilled, began to fight her. They were closer to Akane's level, but still not enough. They managed to get some hits in, but it didn't take long before it was just the Vice-Captain and Ryutaro himself. His jaw was hanging down as Akane didn't say anything to him. She simply bowed stiffly to the Vice-Captain, and the match began._

 _For a moment it looked like Akane might lose, having been hit more times than before. Then, with a shout Akane threw out a kick that knocked him clear out of the ring, earning yet another victory by ring out._

 _Fighting thirty two consecutive opponents had done a number on her. She was completely drenched in sweat. Her lip was split where one of the guys had gotten a lucky hit in on her chin. Yet, again, she simply faced Ryutaro and waited for him to approach to start the match._

 _It was the hardest fight of his life. If he had faced Akane when she was fresh he would have lost swiftly. The rest of the club watched in awe. Akane got in a hit, then he did. Slowly, things were being worn down, and it looked like soon enough the time limit for the match might end. And with it, the teacher serving as club supervisor who was currently the referee and judge would have to declare a winner. Then, a mistake was made on Akane's part. One brought about by fatigue, yet this small mistake was enough. Akane was swept off her feet, and declared the loser._

 _Akane stood up, not saying a word. "Well see?" He said. "Girls can't be in the Martial Arts club, they're just not real martial artists."_

 _"Maybe you should join the cooking club, learn to be a good wife!" One of the club members jeered. To the laughter of the rest._

 _Turning on her heel, Akane stormed out of the club dojo, tears building up in her eyes._

Why wasn't she good enough!? Wasn't she supposed to be the heir to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts? She could handle any number of… of **hobbyists.** Even if there had been a hundred jeering stupid boys she should have been able to beat them handily!

Akane knew why, of course. It was a bitter understanding. She was stagnating. For years now she had not learned anything new. She went through the same forms over and over Her father was perfectly content to spend an hour weekly sparring with her. He had given up on the School. He had given up on her.

She was fed up with this! If he wouldn't teach her anything new, then she would learn something herself!

* * *

The Dojo had a basement. This storage room contained scrolls detailing the advanced techniques of the School.

Technically speaking, it was forbidden for Akane to read or take out anything from it. Only a Master of the Anything Goes School was allowed to do so. But by this point Akane was sure that her father would never declare her a Master by this point. So she finally broke the rule, and slipped in.

The room was dusty and unused for years. Old training weapons from when Soun had students rested forgotten. A shelf filled with scrolls covered the back wall.

There was also a pile of women's underwear in the corner. Once, when a eight year old Akane had gone down to the storage room with her father, she had asked what was with the pile of underwear. Soun's face had instantly turned pale, and he got this strange look in his eyes. If trained psychologist had looked at it, they would have recognized it as the sign of a PTSD induced flashback. Since Akane was not, she had no clue what it was about that pile of garments that had her father so worried.

Akane approached it, wondering for a moment if it was some kind of camouflage for something else. She bent down, and picked up a bundle of bras. To her surprise, there was a scroll under them!

She had been right! For whatever reason martial arts manuals and odd artifacts were buried in this underwear! Digging through it, Akane pulled out several books detailing techniques! However, she soon realized that most of what she found, while powerful, had elements that rendered it impractical.

The Happo-Go-Yen-Satsu looked promising at first. The ability to suck the battle aura out of an opponent and use their strength as her own sounded useful. But she would need someone else to perform the pressure point treatment required. With Dr. Tofu as the only person she trusted enough to do something like that, she knew that he would never agree to it once he learned of the side effect of drastically slowing down her aging without a continuous supply of ki.

She immediately discarded the Neko-Ken once she saw the first step. Morbid curiosity kept her reading until she reached the last page. She read about how it said that only a complete and utter idiot would actually try and teach someone the technique. Akane, not being a complete and utter idiot, nodded and set it off in the Rejected pile. (Elsewhere, Genma Saotome sneezed. This gave Ranma an opening large enough to thoroughly thrash his father, thus winning the sparring session.)

The ability to channel her battle aura to a huge size sounded really awesome. But reading on it, she realized she'd need a few years of Ki building exercises before she could even start learning it. Making a mental note to start those exercises as soon as possible, she set that technique aside.

Finally, she came across a book that seemed almost unused. The label on the cover caught her attention. Dojikko-ken. What kind of martial arts technique could possible be named "Clumsy Child Fist?" Opening to the first page, her eyes widened.

 _To any interested in learning the ancient and powerful art of the Dojikko-ken. I must inform you, this Art can only be learned by women. Men should look elsewhere._

A women's only technique! Akane clutched the book to her chest tightly. She would master this! This, she knew, was but the first step on her path to mastery of the Martial Arts!


	2. Imagine a J-Pop Eye of the Tiger

_One Week:_

"Waaah!"

 **THUD**

"Owie…"

One of the most important elements of any martial arts is learning how to fall. How to roll with a blow, fall in such a fashion that you are both unhurt **.and** be ready to attack again. Dojikko-ken is no different in that sense. Learning how to fall was the first thing the book taught.

"OK... I can do this." Akane said, standing up again. She took a deep breath, popped another piece of bread into the toaster she had set into the dojo and waited for it to pop out. With a ding, the fresh toast popped up. She began the form. "Holy crap I'm late!" She grabbed the toast, shoved it into her mouth, and began to run while munching down the toast.

However, with the Dojikko-ken the Fall is perhaps the single most important element of the Art. A well timed trip could bring about a great victory. One master of the Dojikko-ken in the Warring States era subdued over a hundred angry bandits with nothing more than a tray of drinks through the use of a single well timed trip.

As Akane reached the end of the dojo, she suddenly seemed to trip. "Waaah!" She shouted, her hands flailing about as she fell. **THUD.** She hit the floor face first. "Owie…"

Indeed. The first form of the Dojikko-ken is a masterful technique. Seemingly tripping over nothing, to land face first into the ground. This position allows a near unlimited number of potential attack options.

Akane pulled herself off the ground, her face was red. After all, the key part of the first form is being able to trip over nothing and fall flat on your face…. yet be utterly unharmed. She had not gotten to that point yet. The book, fortunately, acknowledged that it was quite possible that someone learning the Dojikko-ken might be doing it alone due to the patriarchal tendencies of the Martial Arts community. So the book was much more detailed than the usual martial arts manuals were, which were typically written with the expectation that an experienced Sensei could point out any problems.

So, with a sigh, walked back over to the toaster, pulled out another slice of bread, and began the process anew.

* * *

 _One Month:_

"I'm home!" Kasumi announced. It was, after all, her last year of High School. Nabiki was trailing behind her.

"You back sis?" Nabiki asked, Furinkan High was a fair bit further away from home then Akane's school.

"Y-yeah…" Akane's uneasy voice came from the kitchen. Had she been getting a snack? Kasumi and Nabiki entered the kitchen, and froze mid step.

Food was everywhere. On the ceilings, the walls, the counters. Dishes and utensils were similar scattered. Akane was sprawled out in the middle of the kitchen and for some reason neither Kasumi nor Nabiki could fathom she had a mixing bowl on her head.

Kasumi's left eyelid twitched, once. "Oh my. What happened here Akane?"

"Did a Dojo Destroyer attack the kitchen or something." Nabiki said.

"I just… uh… wanted to try making a cake?" Akane, the girl who had never made anything beyond a sandwich in her life said.

The truth was, of course, that the Dojikko-ken had several forms that relied on innocuous elements like cooking, or even food itself. Once a practitioner who served as a bodyguard for the Shogun thwarted no less than three simultaneous assassination attempts with a plate of cookies!

As such, with the proper techniques a Dojikko-ken master could be, from all appearances tumbling around and ruining a kitchen. Yet, by the end of the day something would be successfully cooked and she will have made the kitchen an impenetrable obstacle to any intruder.

Akane had never had any interest in learning how to cook (as far as she was concerned once she was in charge of the dojo it would pay for all the frozen dinners and takeout she wanted), but she knew that if she wanted to master this form she needed to be at least passable. Turning a seeming kitchen disaster into a potent weapon… Dojikko-ken was dangerous indeed.

Neither Nabiki nor Kasumi knew that. So, instead Nabiki just laughed and headed upstairs. Kasumi bent down and began helping clean up, "How about I help you learn how to make a cake?" She suggested to her youngest sister.

"Uh… sure!" Akane said, laughing nervously. The bowl on her head falling off. Great. Now the difficulty had just increased ten fold. How was she going to get anything from this cooking lesson while also being able to practice the form! (Which, of course, involved a lot of spilling around and tripping).

* * *

 _Three months:_

Classes and clubs were over for the day. So it was time for the students to disperse and head home. Bookbag in hand, Akane was ready to walk home with Yuka…

When she saw him. The asshole captain of the Martial Arts club. Even now, three months after that humiliation and rejection. She was not naturally a vindictive person, but the jeers about her loss (everybody ignored the circumstances, all they said was that Akane had tried to get into boys clubs and failed). There had to be some way she could get back at him. Something to make up for the loss.

He was laughing about some joke with some of his friends from the club. Akane gritted her teeth.

"Akane…?" Yuka asked, "Are you OK?"

In a flash Akane had a sunny smile on her face again. "Yeah. Sorry! Spaced out a bit." She bonked the side of her head.

Yuka shook her head. "Fine."

Akane internally berated herself for breaking character. An important part of Dojikko-ken was presenting the a pleasant, slightly ditzy image. Tricking the opponent to underestimate you was a perfectly fine tactic to someone who had grown up learning a martial art called "Anything Goes" so it didn't take much thought to go along with it. Holding her books up to hide her grin, Akane executed the technique.

To Yuka, it looked like she suddenly lost her balance. "W-woaaahhh!" She tipped forward, and her bookbag flew out of her hands. Spinning through the air, the impromptu projectile hit its target with unerring accuracy. Namely, the back of that jackass's head.

Akane, meanwhile, landed flat on her face. Yet she was completely unharmed!

"Ohmygod!" Akane stood up, a look of panic on her face. She pulled him up, "I'm so sorry…"

"Uh what…?" The dazed boy said.

"Sorry! I tripped. I'm so clumsy lately I can't help it!" She bowed to him in seeming apology. Except her bow was also a headbutt, and he was knocked to the ground again.

"Sorry!"

Yuka frowned. Something odd had been doing on with Akane the past few months. She had gotten a lot more clumsy (it had always been there when she got nervous). Yet she didn't seem to notice it much or seem frustrated about it. A part of her was worried that the traumatic experience in the Martial Arts club had broken her.

* * *

 _Six Months_

Kasumi didn't know how it worked.

Ever since that day in the kitchen, Akane had a sudden interest in learning how to cook. Kasumi, being the loving big sister that she was, gladly agreed to help out a bit after school. Cooking with Akane was becoming quite an experience. Namely that every time it happened it was like a miniature war zone in the kitchen. Not a lesson passed that Akane didn't somehow trip over her own two feet and nearly scatter food everywhere. Yet it somehow all turned out fine in the end.

After five months Akane was becoming a passable cook. Kasumi was fairly sure that she'd never be a particularly **great** one. She lacked passion for it. To tell the truth, Kasumi didn't know why Akane was doing it. The girl seemed happy after cooking, but it didn't seem to be for the sake of making good food.

It was almost like Akane was enjoying the cooking process in and of itself, rather than any result. She was cheerful even if the recipe went completely wrong, after all.

Akane took a bite into her slightly burned cookies. She was in a good mode. She had mastered the third Kitchen Form the Dojikko-ken! "Slipping over the Spatula" used spatulas and other baking tools as blunt weapons.

* * *

 _Eleven Months, one week._

Ultimately, there are several tiers of martial artists. There are your novices, who either just recently began to practise or, quite frankly, aren't very good at it. They are generally only slightly above your typical random person in terms of fighting ability, if a touch more athletic. Then there are your hobbyists, who are pretty good in a fight but don't really take it too seriously.

Then there's the level that Akane had languished at. Practitioner. These people took it seriously. In the real world these are the people that do it seriously and are paid to be good at it. Soldiers, MMA fighters, boxers real professional martial artists. And if Akane Tendo had been in the real world, she'd have walked all over most of them by age 17 with the level of training she had before taking on her new martial arts style. Doesn't that say something about her bullheaded, stubborn nature, that she could push herself to being that good with that level of care being given to her by her teacher? That is to say, the barest minimum attention with most of her recent years being self taught, self motivated and self disciplined.

Practitioner is pretty much the top tier level in the real world. But in the world of Ranma 1/2, we can go a couple of steps further. Sure, a Practitioner could run headlong into a bunch of athletes her own age and tear them apart, but an Expert could do so without breaking a sweat. Similarly, a Master did not need to do so because they could simply show up and make everyone back down with a mere look. And a projected aura the size of a semi-truck.

That sounds all well and good, yes? A level of skill can be accomplished that is downright superhuman. Hard work, perseverance and determination. Except, well, for one small problem that Expert-level martial artists have to face. Maybe at some level Soun had sensed it or had been aware of it, having dealt with it himself. Maybe he didn't want to put his daughter through it. Maybe that's why he slowed down her training in the hopes that she wouldn't cross that barrier at too young an age, that she could be a little more mature and have more backup for the day that it did happen.

Because, you see, an Expert martial artist has a rather severe problem that we shall refer to as "Weird Shit". What is "Weird Shit"? Well, it can take any number of forms. The most common was suddenly being approached by people in distress because of unusual circumstances, and so they seek out someone that instinct tells them is physically and mentally capable of handling it. Or there was the second most common, in which that same instinct triggers a different kind of reaction from a particular kind of person. Not "this person can help me," but rather more...

* * *

Mariko Konjo was doing her very, very best not to grit her teeth in frustration. Here they were, her school taking on the Furinkan Middle School in a game of inter-school volleyball. It should be an easy win for her team. It was always an easy win for her team! After all, wasn't she of the Cheerleading-style Martial Arts school?

It sounds like a bizarre and esoteric style, but it's really, really diverse. It combined flexibility (high kicks, stretching poses), dexterity (backflips, jumps, precise movements), strength (lifting fellow team members) and, above all else, being absolutely and utterly adorable. You appealed to the crowd to get them to cheer, motivating the players with your L-O-V-E!

You also interfered like crazy. Which Mariko did by tossing her baton in a spinning arc to catch one of the Furinkan players and take them out of the game - Only for the bitch with dark blue hair to stumble over it instead, giving that player the perfect chance to spike the ball just at the same moment that the baton rolled under the net, tripping up one of their own players and costing them the point. And hence the game.

All the wilie that girl was sitting on her big fat rump and rapping her hand atop the side of her head, with her tongue sticking out. How horribly uncute! Every single time she had tried to do something to help out her team that same clumsy girl had done something to get in the way, countering her attacks so that it gave Furinkan the advantage instead!

In short: She had lost. Mariko Konjo had lost. She didn't see it as her school losing, or the volleyball team losing. She had personally lost to this girl. This nobody. This non-cheerleader had creamed her in a contest of cheerleading martial arts! It was unthinkable! Impossible! It was burning her b-l-o-o-d!

"Thanks for helping out, Akane!" she heard one of the Furinkan girls say to the bitch. Akane. Mariko bit her lip. She would remember that name. She would _hate_ that name! She would l-o-v-e to h-a-t-e that name!

"Um... Mariko? I think it's time for us to leave," one of the other girls said, and so Mariko reluctantly departed. For the time being. Menacingly twirling her retrieved baton in the process.

* * *

She was skipping home, and she couldn't help herself. Inside and out, Akane was beaming with pride. She was doing it. She was actually doing it! She could feel herself getting better, faster, cuter, clumsier and growing as a martial artist with her own unique fighting style!

The only downside was that the boys at school were paying her a bit more attention than she especially enjoyed, but still! That was a small downside when she felt so overwhelmingly happy and good and was that a battle aura she was sensing?

"Two, four, six, eight! Who's the girl I've come to hate? Seven, five, three, one! My revenge has just begun!"

... Was that a cheerleader doing a series of high-kicking knees while whirling around a pair of pompoms? Ah! Danger instinct kicking in! Akane did the "dive of the friendly puppy," which involved seeming to trip over your own feet and upon hitting the ground roll over so that you landed on your backside, leaving you in the seemingly vulnerable yet extremely deadly "pose of the begging duck," from which Akane could launch any of a dozen cute, clumsy attacks or counterattacks. Good thing she had as well, since the pompom had been thrown and she'd just barely ducked under it. That wouldn't be something she'd normally care about except that it had embedded into the wall behind -

"Don't you get it, don't you see? Always watch your enemy!"

A kick swept across towards Akane's head. This girl meant business! Akane bent forward as if touching her toes, then bopped her head up to catch the girl on the underside of her knee. To Akane's amazement, the cheerleader somersaulted on the spot, landing perfectly on her feet.

Akane gulped, and her heart pounded in her chest. This girl was a real martial artist, wasn't she? Akane made to stand up, and made use of the "ring-tailed lemur's rise" to try and sweep out the cheerleader's feet from underneath her. Her currently unnamed opponent skipped over the attack, narrowed her eyes, pulled a baton seemingly out of nowhere and jabbed it towards Akane's throat. Playing for keeps?

"Whoops!" Akane said, waving her arms forward and making her bag lash out, knocking the arm away and clipping the cheerleader's chin. The enemy stumbled back a little, oblivious to the real nature of Akane's attack. "Sorry about this!"

"On that topic we shall see, just how sorry you will be!"

Oh, goodness, enough with the rhyming already. It was getting so obnoxious and - An opening appeared before her eyes. Instincts took over from a lifetime of martial arts, and she dove forward to exploit it without a moment's hesitation, even though the rational part of her brain was telling her to back off. And then her fist struck pompom, leaving her hand swept aside, and this time Akane was the one left wide, wide open. Akane's eyes went wide as she realised what she had just done. It was because she was not experienced enough in using this style of fighting against a serious opponent. If only she could have kept to it, maybe she could have -

Oof! Right in the breadbasket. This girl was fast and Akane had to - Too late! A foot landed on the back of her head, and Akane suddenly got to know exactly what pavement tasted like. For a moment the cheerleader stood triumphant with a foot on top of Akane's head.

"There's no need for your thanks, because your butt I've truly sp-"

And then the brick Akane had been carrying in her bag for weight training landed squarely on top of Mariko's head. Of course, she hadn't even noticed it flying out earlier when Akane had flipped it up at her, but that was the full nature of dojikko-ken: Misdirection was a key, crucial element. If only she had stuck to it, she could have avoided scuffing her face up.

"Oh, dear!" Akane said to her downed opponent. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine how are you?" the cheerleader replied on wobbly legs. She raised a finger, got distracted by it and fell forward. Akane caught her. The cheerleader then began pounding on Akane's shoulders with little balled-up fists. "Haaaate you so much!"

"That's nice," Akane said with a smile. "But maybe I should take you to Doctor Tofu for the time being?"

The cheerleader made as if to argue, but then tilted her head a little and nodded meekly instead, blinking with her eyes out of synch. "I'll kick your ass later."

"That's nice."

"In a martial arts cheerleading context!"

"You mean contest?"

"That's the word!"

And as Akane carried off her newfound rival for medical treatment, there was a boy with dark rings around his eyes, holding a camera at chest height. He watched them go by with raised eyebrows and held breath, then once they were out of sight he said:

"That was weirdly hot and I want to see more."


	3. Sisterly Thoughts & Friendly Concern

Now, anybody who knows the three Tendo Sisters can immediately tell you that they're fairly distinct individuals. The passionate and straightforward Akane, the sly and sarcastic Nabiki, and the motherly and sweet Kasumi. However, a closer observation reveals that they share several traits in common. There is their charisma, all three don't even have to try to become popular. Everyone in town knows Kasumi can mediate any conflict, Nabiki will do her best to advise you for any problem (for a price) and that Akane can be trusted to help out for any "Weird Shit", as the phrase goes. There is their pride. All three are Good at what they do, know they're good at it, and take great pleasure in doing them. And of course, there is their sharp observation skills. Nabiki's is the most obvious. With Akane you don't become a good Martial Artist without being able to read a person. But if you asked most people if Kasumi was observant they'd just look at you in surprise.

After all, Kasumi doesn't put her observational skills into direct use most of the time. She's subtle, a trait her two sisters lack compared to her (Akane's about as subtle as a brick to the head, and even Nabiki isn't **that** sneaky, she just knows how to take advantage of idiots.) It took some time, since she didn't pick up the whole picture for a while what with her own schoolwork and all, but she began to notice a change in Akane.

Sure, most people wouldn't think there was a drastic change. To most people she was the same cheerful, sweet girl she always was. Akane had always been slightly clumsy even, especially when she got nervous. Yet, that cheerfulness and sweetness hid a temper, a stubbornness, and her slight clumsiness belied her incredible martial arts skill. Yet… there had been little trace of the temper for some time… and Akane seemed to have gotten so clumsy it became almost comical. Not a day passed where she seemed to trip over nothing. This even extended to her times in the dojo that Kasumi had peeked in. Sure, she'd occasionally do a Form that Kasumi was more familiar with, but quite often she seemed to be tripping, stumbling, and muttering to herself.

What had gone so wrong? What had made her little sister seemingly lose such an important part of herself? So Kasumi began to dig, using her social connections (and she had a lot of them) to see if she could piece it together. Finally, she figured it out. The incident at the martial arts club early on in the School Year. With the benefit of hindsight Kasumi could see that this was the catalyst for Akane's change.

However, here we see the problem of making assumptions based off incomplete information. A major element of Dojikko-ken is, of course the fact that it doesn't look much like fighting. Now, Kasumi was not one for direct confrontation. Openly asking Akane about her problems was just something that was not done. After all, being direct might lead to hurt feelings! If Akane didn't want to talk about it, then Kasumi would at best drop subtle hints. (This is, of course, a direct contrast to Akane, who is **all** about direct confrontation.) So, Kasumi put together the information she knew about people, about her little sister, and missed what she did **not** know about Martial Arts, especially the esoteric and _weird_ martial arts that exist in this world. So with that, she came to a completely wrong conclusion.

The public and humiliating rejection in front of countless peers, mixed with her own father's neglect of her talents lead her to just… give up on martial arts. She went for trying to learn more traditional womanly things, thus explaining her sudden interest in cooking. Yet it wasn't enough. As she fell out of practice she lost the grace she had, so her clumsiness came out to full bore. And now, too late, she tried to get back what was lost only for it to be unrecoverable!

 _Poor Akane!_ Kasumi thought once it finally hit her, _If only I could have been there for her!_

The irony is that if Kasumi had just made a direct confrontation and asked, Akane would have gladly explained it to her.

* * *

It was a lovely day, so Akane was sitting outside doing her homework.

"Akane?"

Akane looked up from math to see Kasumi standing beside her. "Yeah?"

"You do know that I'm always here for you, right? If there's anything you need, I'm ready to help." Kasumi said in her usual sweet tone.

Akane, having no idea what her oldest sister was on about, just gave her big sister a smile. "I know that. If I need help, you'll be the first person I'll ask." She turned back to her homework, a big smile on her face.

And why wouldn't she be? Life was getting better and better for Akane Tendo now. She had at least one serious challenger now, she was getting better and better at the Martial Arts, and she was even improving in skills she had never really focused on before like cooking and sewing! (Many Dojikko-ken techniques use stumbling over yarn and thread to tie up the opponent.) For the first time in years, Akane felt good about her progress in the Martial Arts.

* * *

But what about the middle sister, Nabiki?

A few days past Kasumi's wrong epiphany, Nabiki was heading off to the arcade with a boy at Furinkan who Nabiki considered a sort of friend. Namely, Tatewaki Kuno.

Granted, to Nabiki Tendo, "Friend" means "A putz I can take advantage of long term" mixed with some slight platonic affection. Sure, he was kind of an idiot, but an entertaining idiot. And a prime opportunity to practice her snark. At the moment Kuno was heading off to treat her to some arcade games, due to having lost a bet.

Of course, as they walked past a small alley, Nabiki's gaze couldn't helped but be drawn to the sight of four older delinquent types.

You know the type, big, rough, mean looking. Loved to talk a big game and show off how "badass" they are. This is mostly done through picking on people weaker than them. The victim in this case being some pale, scrawny middle school boy Nabiki couldn't place a name to. They were wearing animal masks for some reason Nabiki couldn't fathom.

"I-I don't **have** any lunch money!" The poor sap protested. Which just got laughter from the bullies.

"Well then you're in debt to us, aren't you Gosunkugi?" One of the bullies laughed. Nabiki noted the name, then promptly forgot it.

"P-please…!"

"Well now, since you owe us, how about we **collect?"** Another sneered.

Typical scene, really. Not one Nabiki wanted to get involved with. So she would have normally kept on walking but something popped up that made her stop.

"Excuse me!" It was Akane. Nabiki watched as her little sister ran like a woman possessed, she seemed to be in a hurry for something. Didn't surprise Nabiki, Akane was always running late recently. "Excuse me I woooaah!" And just like normal when she was running late, Akane tripped. Nabiki could swear that Akane had become more clumsy over the past year. Upon tripping, Akane's bookbag flew out of her hands.

But through sheer unfortunate luck, the bag slammed into the back of the head of one of the bullies. The bag hit him so hard he was smashed face first into the ground.

"Sorry!" Akane immediately ran over to the fox masked delinquent and bent down to help him up.

"Grrggaah you stupid bitch!" He growed pushing himself and reaching out to grab her. Except that, somehow, Akane managed to stumble at the last moment. Arms flailing in panic, the punk's attempted grab was caught in said flailing. This somehow combined with his forward momentum to fling him into the alleyway wall, where he decided that nap time was more fun.

"Oops!" Akane said.

"Boss!" The other three goons said in unison, before charging at Akane.

"Ah! My bag." Akane bent over and picked up the bookbag that had previously hit the leader as they rushed her. "Gotta be careful with my homework." She said, standing up straight just as the first delinquent in line reached her. The back of her head hit him in the chin, this knocked him flat on his rear. Just in time for the two remaining idiots to collide with him and get themselves all tangled up.

"Sorry!" Akane bowed, "I'm just so clumsy!"

The delinquents groaned, untangled themselves, and picked up their still napping boss. "We'll remember this!"

Meanwhile, Nabiki was trying her best not to laugh. Only her little sister could literally stumble into beating a bunch of punks up. "Man that was rich, don't you think Kuno-baby…?" Nabiki's smile faded once she noticed Kuno's expression.

His eyes were wide, and he was staring right at Akane, his mouth hanging open.

Akane turned to the scrawny boy. "Are you allright?"

"I-I-I w-w-will y-y-y-you go on a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-" The boy stuttered, unable to complete his sentence

"Oh! Nabiki!" Forgetting all about the boy she had unwittingly saved, Akane noticed her older sister. "Hi, what's up?" She said, cheerfully approaching her.

"Hey Akane." Nabiki waved, smirking at Kuno's sudden gobsmacked expression. "Going to the arcade with this guy. Kuno-Baby, meet Akane, Akane meet Tatewaki Kuno."

A grin formed on Akane's face, and she adopted the universal testing tone all little sisters seem to instinctively know. "Ohhh are you on a date?"

"No." Nabiki replied flatly and with an air of finality.

"Aww… well, see you!" Akane skipped away without a care in the world.

Nabiki watched Akane vanish into the distance, before turning back to Kuno. He was staring at the corner Akane had turned, as if she would reappear if he looked hard enough. "Kuno-baby? Are you-"

 **"Who is she!?"** Kuno grabbed Nabiki's shoulders, shouting. "Tell me, Nabiki Tendo, who was that Valkyrie? That Goddess of War? That warrior maiden without peer!?"

"Uh… what?" It wasn't often Nabiki was confused, Kuno erupting out of nowhere like this was one of those times. She knew he was a flirt and decently popular with girls, but this was the first time she had ever seen him act like this.

"Do you not have eyes, woman? Did you not see? The skillful way she dispatched those ruffians. Those brilliant tactics, that unstoppable martial form!"

"Uh… what?" Nabiki asked. "Kuno-baby, she klutzed out and the idiots beat themselves up."

"Bah. You truly could not see? Every move she made was calculated, cunning, a a masterful attack!"

Nabiki wondered what the hell Kuno was talking about. She didn't know any martial arts beyond the basic self defence lessons her dad had taught her, but she knew what it **looked like** at least.

"You know her Nabiki Tendo, you must tell me everything you know about her!"

At hearing that, a grin formed on Nabiki's face. She may not get **why** Kuno seemed so interested, but she knew an opportunity when she saw one. "Tell you what, Kuno-baby, get me some ice cream, then we can talk."

* * *

Three girls were on their way home from school. One was skipping, happy, carefree, while two others stalked closely behind her with a more melancholy air.

Then out of nowhere - more specifically a tree branch - a boy wearing running gear leaped out while yelling "Akane Tendo! Go out with me!" at the top of his lungs.

"Whoopsie doopsie, I made an oopsie!"

That was said by the girl in the lead, whom the boy was specifically diving towards, when she tripped over seemingly nothing at all. Her foot went up into the air, causing her shoe to fly off upwards, and her rucksack to swing in a similar direction. The shoe caught the boy under the chin, making him an enemy of his own momentum, and making him land on his back next to and behind his target.

"Akane..." one of the other girls sighed.

"No, ignore him!" said one of ten other boys to appear, all in a variety of sporting equipment, charging en masse towards her. "Date me!" they all cried in unison.

"Akane!" the other girl rubbed her forehead.

Suddenly she snapped back up to standing straight. "Did someone say my name?" she coyly asked - and her bag finished its arc, travelling down in time to strike the first boy as he was sitting back up, and sending him flying off towards the other ten for the perfect, accidental, clumsy and cute strike. Eleven boys down in two simple moves.

Oh, yeah. She was really into this now. Her martial arts skills were improving by leaps and bounds. She had plenty of sparring partners to practise on. And it was fun! Discovering this weird and esoteric martial art was the best thing to happen to Akane in years!

"Akane, are you feeling alright?" Yuka asked all of a sudden.

She blinked at the unexpected question from her friend and turned around, putting on her best smile. "Of course I am," she said, cutely rapping the top of her head with her fist and sticking out her tongue. "I caught myself before I tripped! Not even a scratch."

"That's not what we mean," Sayuri sighed. "You've taken being turned down for the martial arts club pretty hard, and, well..."

"You've not been behaving like yourself recently," Yuka reluctantly finished. "All clumsy and oblivious! It's not like you at all!"

"When Kuno made that announcement this morning, we expected you to blow your top!" Sayuri said, stepping forward to place her hand gently on Akane's shoulder. "Now all the boys in school are going to try to beat you up in order to date you! That doesn't make you mad?"

"Oh, he was being a little stupid is -"

"You smiled! You want things like _this_ to keep on happening? You won't be this lucky every day! One of them is going to get a lucky hit in, and then - And then something terrible will happen!"

"Do you want to talk about it? We're here for you, so just let it off your chest."

A great weight of guilt settled upon Akane's heart. She had been so caught up in mastering this new form of martial arts that - that her friends had gotten the completely wrong idea. Look at them. Yuka. Sayuri. Her emotional support. A pair of girls that could put up with the weird things that her family sometimes had to deal with, but couldn't bear the thought that something was wrong with their friend.

That guilt was more effective than any punch of kick. Akane stepped forward, took her friends by the hand and guided them off towards her house. "Come with me," she said, a touch bleary eyed. "There's something I want to show you."

* * *

Well, that didn't go as planned. Instead of putting some snotty, pseudo-clumsy, uncute fool in her place, Mariko was the one made to look like the fool. Now here she was, sitting in front of her mirror while a comically oversized ice pack was strapped to the top of her head. So embarrassing! So humiliating!

"Akane Tendo," she growled, absently reaching out to twirl a pen between her fingers with perfect precision. "How dare you B-E-A-T me twice now? How dare you pretend like it was no big thing, while smiling innocently and, like, carefree and stuff? Next time we meet, you're going D-O-W-N! Mariko, Mariko, you're the chick, Akane's butt will soon be kicked!"

The cheerleader rose, wobbling, to her feet and threw open her bright pink wardrobe. One might expect it to contain a series of adorable girl clothes, floral dresses, bright colours and so forth. Instead, what swung down was something a little bit... Different.

To understand what it was first required a basic and core understanding of what exactly martial arts cheerleading was, and what made it such a deadly dangerous thing to try to fight under normal conditions. To put it simply: Martial arts cheerleading was the fighting style designed to push the one you were cheering on to victory at any cost. It could be a soccer team, a boxer, a gymnast, a racer or any manner of sport you can think of. All that mattered was that your cheered one won, and all others fell before them.

This requires something rather unique, when you really step back to think about it. In order to be a truly effective martial arts cheerleader, it is absolutely necessary to understand the rules, tactics, psychology and - well, everything about every sport.

Every. Single. Sport. In the world. Consider that. Consider the dedication to the craft this requires. Consider the mentality, the obsession and the drive to win that a true master of this, perhaps the most difficult to learn martial arts ever developed has to, _has to_ have.

Which is why Mariko's pretty, pink, stereotypically girly wardrobe was stuffed to the brim with sporting equipment. It was as if someone had found a sports-obsessed boy's room and then condensed it into the corner of a room belonging to the girliest girl to rock a cheerleader uniform. The contrast is, shall we say, a striking one.

"But I've been, like, too careless and stuff," Mariko said. She stuck a stick of gum in her mouth and started chewing... And just like that her body language transformed instantly. Gone, the feminine cheerleader. Enter, the very image of a tomboy complete with a baseball being tossed between her hands. "Someone oughta teach her a thing or two 'bout who the cutest chick is 'round these parts. 'Cept how do I go about doing that when she's pretending to be so damned cute and innocent?"

A thorny question indeed, and bouncing this ball between her hands and pacing her room while chewing gum always helped her think this sort of thing through. Even though she didn't much care for the answer. It seemed to her that her problem was, she'd done the opposite of what a martial arts cheerleader ought to do:

She'd run right at her opponent without knowing the rules of the game.

"In that case..." Mariko said, stopping to blow a bubble, put down her ball and retrieve her large pompoms from beside her bed. Each one of them was bigger than her head, which suited her purposes just fine and well.

"Before our martial arts cheerleading contest next week, Akane Tendo! I'll just have to learn your rules so they can be broken! I'll just have to arrange for a little friendly competition... And I know exactly what school will do the job!" Mariko broke out into a pseudo-cheerleading chant, waving her pompoms around to and fro, watching herself in the mirror to pump herself up. "D is for Defeat! I is for Isn't! E is for Enough!"


	4. A Meeting of Idiots

The walls of the school stretched upwards. Students milled about, heading home after clubs.

Here was where Mariko would find the key to her revenge! Here she would gain the V-I-C-T-O-R-Y she deserves!

"Mariko!" A girl ran out of the gates. Nearly knocking the cheerleader over. "Hi hi hi!"

"H-E-L-L-O Azusa!" Mariko hugged her friend back.

Azusa Shiratori, one half of Kolhotz High School's infamous Golden Pair. They had been friends since they had first met when Mariko had been cheering a skating match between their schools. The match had ended with draw. Azusa grabbed one of Mariko's exploding Pom-Poms (She called it Fredrique) Mikado decided to try kissing Mariko, she kicked him in the face with a good old fashioned cheerleader high kick! Yet for some reason the judges ruled that since it was the cheerleader who knocked them out it didn't count. Bah!

After the match she went out for ice cream and she met up with Azusa and they totally hit it off!

"Guess what I have?" Mariko reached behind her back, pulling out a small Pikachu doll.

To Azusa it might as well have been presenting one of the Three Sacred Treasures. "Étienne! Étienne!" She grabbed the doll, christened "Étienne" and hugged it tightly. "You're the best Mariko!"

Mariko giggled, she was so cute! Hugging that little doll like it was a precious baby. Well, maybe a baby would have been choked to death with how tight Azusa was hugging it. "Want to go get some ice cream?"

"Of course!" Her friend replied.

* * *

"It's a martial art." Yuka asked, incredulously. **"Seriously?"**

Upon seeing the concern on her friends faces, Akane had taken Yuka and Sayuri to the Dojo. She then retrieved the Dojikko-Ken manual from its hiding place. Both girls had taken a few minutes to look over the book. They reacted about how Akane expected them to.

Yuka, was simply baffled. **This** was a martial art? In hindsight, Akane was never hurt by her seeming clumsiness and it quite often ended with somebody got their face kicked in. But seriously? Yuka loved Akane as her best friend, but the girl could be weird.

Sayuri, on the other hand, actually felt relief at this. Of course Akane was practicing some weird martial art! She had known Akane longer than Yuka, and knew that the girl could get… oddly focused on things. It made sense that she'd gleefully dive into this new fighting style, not realizing how other people might see her.

"Of course it is. A pretty good one if I say so myself." Akane said with a wide grin. "Only got into one serious fight with it so far. But I think I did pretty good." She wondered if she'd see that cheerleader girl again. Would she win again? Akane hoped she had improved enough that she could win without the Concealing the Moonstone technique.

Yuka was flipping through the book, raising an eyebrow at some of the techniques listed. "You seem… happy about this."

"Of course I am! Dad doesn't do anything for me anymore." Akane frowned, "He's fine just sitting there, letting our Dojo and Art rot. I got so tired of it."

Realization dawned in Sayuri's eyes. It was the Martial Arts Club back in Middle School that had started it, the consequences were just not what either of them had expected. "Oh Akane, we had no idea this was bothering you so much!"

Yuka, however, frowned, "Uh, Akane… didn't your dad once take you out to the mountains and just start pushing you off the cliffsides?"

Oh yes, The Mother Eagle's Love. Akane smiled in fond nostalgia at the memory of that training trip."Yeah, that was great. Funnest week I had for years."

"Riiight." Yuka said. "So, Akane, can you, um, tone it down a little bit?"

"Huh?" Akane blinked, confusion forming.

Sayuri shook her head, "Everybody thinks you've gone totally kutzo. Granted, for some reason all the boys think that makes you cuter for some reason."

Akane rolled her eyes. "I've learned to ignore the boys. They make good punching bags for practice." The three girls giggled, "Well, I guess I could now that I have the basics down." She took the book back from Yuka. "Still going to have to practice occasionally though, got to keep up my skills, after all." She clapped her hands together, "After all, you never know when I might get a challenge!"

* * *

"So… you want Lil' Azusa to fight this girl?"

Mariko could not actually see Azusa. The giant sprinkle, whipped cream, and cherry covered sundae blocking her view. "Yeah! She, like, pretends to be this cute little clumsy girl. But I K-N-O-W that she's putting on an act! It's awful! She beats you and makes it look like an accident!"

Azusa frowned, "That doesn't sound fair." She took a bite of her sundae, "Does she have a boyfriend?"

"Don't think so."

"Don't need to bring Mikey then huh…" Azusa pondered the the request.

"Please! I really need to beat her!"

In a flash, the sundae was gone, Azusa held up her Pikachu with a wide grin. "OK Mariko! Lil' Azusa will help you win the day!"

"Yay!" Mariko grabbed Azusa in a big hug, "You're the B-E-S-T!"

The next morning came, as it so often does. And in those small hours of the morning, many people were still asleep. Others were up, making breakfast, preparing for work or school and ensuring they were properly awake before leaving. Then there were people like Akane Tendo, who had a slightly different routine.

Oh, that makes it sound unusual. It didn't used to be. She'd throw on some jogging clothes, go around the block to wake up her muscles. A lot of people do that sort of thing, never mind those serious about martial arts training. In fact, many of them might even go on longer runs, carrying weights or go through an obstacle course. In comparison Akane's little jog was relatively normal.

Except that starting today, Akane wasn't doing a morning jog. Nope. She was doing something else, following her training routine as laid out in the book. It involved mastering something she had already been doing, understanding it. Comprehending that it was faster than walking, more efficient than running and cute as a button all at the same time. In short, Akane was not going on a morning jog, but rather a morning skip.

"One, two, one, two..."

Yes, the skip. An adorable little hop-step employed most commonly by precocious little girls the world over. An invaluable tool of anyone intending to weaponise cuteness, for consider: What is an opponent ready for unarmed combat to think when their opponent skips towards them unassumingly? Yes, exactly: This person is a fool, and this will be an easy win. They will underestimate their opponent, and then lose quite badly.

"One, two, one, two..."

There was just a single problem with this training. Namely, that Akane Tendo was still Akane Tendo. She was, shall we say, bullheaded, tended to reach out for the wrong end of the stick more often than she would the right. Couldn't shift an idea once it got into her head. Qualities that someone else, later, might describe as "uncute".

"One, two, one, two..."

Which leads us neatly into the current problem: That there are actually numerous definitions for the word "skip". It can mean a large portable storage container for a large amount of garbage. It can mean passing over a piece of information. It can mean bouncing stones off the surface of a large body of water...

"One, two... Gah! Stupid rope!"

And of course in an athletic sense it can also mean "jumping rope". One can almost see the stick being offered, smooth side forward, and then a certain girl reaching out to firmly grasp the thorn-ridden opposite end.

All of which leads us to here and now: Akane Tendo in the middle of a public street early in the morning with a length of rope tying her right arm to her left leg. No, don't try to think too hard about how that happened. That is the current state of being, and we're rolling with it.

"Guh!" the cute tomboy grunted in a distinctly uncute manner. "I'm overthinking it. Don't think about doing it, just do it." She struggled against the rope, trying not to use her rather above-average strength to tear through it. "If I practise every day, I'll get the hang of this in the end and it'll become second nature, and I'll be cute as -"

"Marianne, Francine, Katelyn, Muriel..."

Akane lifted her head away from the ropes and hopped just a little bit in place while she was passed by a girl with long, wavy brown hair. She was wearing the most girly, flowery dress that Akane had ever seen, which did seem rather inappropriate under the circumstances. After all, that pink rope she was jumping might get caught on it at any time. Yet it never quite did.

"Elizabeth, Suzie..." the girl sang, skipping rope while travelling down the street, crossing her arms every tenth jump. Then started skipping backwards, turned around towards Akane and tilted her head. Still skipping, but this time in place. "Pardon li'l Azusa, but do you know where Furinkan High School is?" Akane yanked her own rope a little, fell over and from her new position on the ground pointed backwards towards the school, or at least in the general direction of it. "Thank you so much! Gwennyth, Janice, Stephanie, Melanie, Judith, Ruth..."

Off she went, resuming her jump rope on the path towards the high school. Akane picked herself up and clutched her fist. Alright! That girl, she was the model of what Akane had to present on the outside: Cutesy, harmless appeal hiding a strong, athletic body! Right! This was it! She could do this! She would put her entire being into it! She would master the jump rope morning jog or her name was not Akane Tendo!

* * *

So this was it. Today he would prove it, once and for all: Akane Tendo was a martial arts genius, masking her true strength behind a veil of a fragile, clumsy girl! Tatewaki Kuno, the Red Comet of Furinkan High was truly smitten! Her charming smile, her warm gaze, that healthy figure and a kick like a mule! All of these were truly attractive traits to a warrior such as he.

He was the first to arrive on this particular morning at the high school, bright and early as befitting a valorous student such as he. How could he sleep knowing no dream could match the reality of Akane's visage? Such beauty comes along not even once in a lifetime, never mind coupled with such strength. Alas, he must prove himself worthy before they could date. Even though his worth was rather self evident, even he knew one did not merely ask out such a fearsome soul without metaphorically slaying the dragon. Alas, in this case, the dragon to be slain was the maiden herself...

"Hi, ugly! Where is everyone?"

At first Kuno remained silent, believing the strange girl in front of him must surely be talking about someone else. Even though it was only the two of them in the courtyard. He took out a red rose and sniffed it dramatically -

"Marcel!" the girl squeaked, dashing forward to pluck it from his hand. "I'll save you from mister ugly! Marcel! Marcel! Marcel!"

"Return that flower, forthwith!" Kuno yelled, quite insistently. The speed of that girl to so effortlessly purloin that rose! Watching her movements he could tell: This, too, was a girl who masked a dangerous form beneath a cutesy exterior. Except something about her seemed a touch too sweet for his liking. True enough: Akane Tendo struck the perfect balance between sweet and spicy to tantalise his tastebuds! "That rose is for Akane Tendo, not for you!"

"Oh? Akane Tendo?" The girl stopped, tucking the rose in her hair. "Tee-hee! Oh, I guess Mariko-chan was wrong, Akane does have a boyfriend. A boyfriend uglier than Mickey, tee hee!"

"I am not yet her boyfriend," Kuno seethed, reaching out to retrieve the flower. "And I am not -"

"Marcel!" the girl screeched. "Give Marcel back! Now, now, now!"

Before Kuno could admonish the girl for her attitude, he found his throat a little constricted by the jump rope being wrapped around his neck in a rather disturbing display of violence unbefitting of a school courtyard. Or indeed anywhere and - cripes, this girl was strong! Left with no other recourse Kuno tossed the flower away and then caught his breath when the iron grip was released.

"Marcel!" the girl cooed over the flower like it was a baby chick. "I'll never let you go again, never, ever, ever! I have just the place for you." Then she kissed it. Right. So. Even Kuno was amazed! This girl was a complete idiot! A cuckoolander of the highest order! "So, um... Where is that Akane girl? Isn't this her school?"

"It is," Kuno choked out in between deep, sucking gasps for air. "Yet she is not due for an hour still."

"An hour?" the girl asked. She stuck out her arm, looked over a watch shaped like a butterfly and tapped it a few times. "Oh no, Lilian has stopped! Wah! Poor Lilian needs a change in battery-wattery! Now I'll have to wait around for an hour with mister ugly Marcel-thief before I can challenge that Akane girl to a fight!"

Now. One must understand the thought process of Tatewaki Kuno, much as we did the same for Akane earlier on. Of course he was perfectly aware that girls could be martial artists. Of course he was aware that martial artists regularly challenged each other to fights. These things are obvious, and conclusions can be drawn via logical intersection of these matters.

However. Tatewaki Kuno is a few sticks short of a stack. While it is true that Akane is prone to misunderstandings, when compared to Kuno she's practically a mind reader. Not only will Kuno tend to grab the wrong end of the stick, but he'll do so in such a way that he will thoroughly obliterate the right end of the stick, leaving him with nothing to hold onto but the wrong end.

A metaphor which becomes a trifle amusing on considering that he is supposed to be a kendo prodigy. One would think that the first lesson of anything to do with swords would involve learning which end to hold onto. But that's a digression. Let's return to the main point, which is -

"You intend to challenge Akane Tendo to combat?" Kuno warily asked.

"Yeppers!" was the reply.

Kuno tilted his head. Then, reluctantly, drew his bokken and prepared for combat. "I shall not allow this!" he declared. "A pervert like you shall never lay hands on the fair Akane!"

Yes, folks. The conclusion Kuno had inevitably reached was that Azusa was planning to challenge Akane to a fight with the intention of going on a date with her. Sometimes it feels like someone could describe these events, and then conclude by making a jazz hands motion and yelling "the aristocrats!" and nobody would even blink.

All the while, do feel sorry for all of those poor sticks. They didn't do anything wrong, but they'll be the ones catching the blame in the end.


	5. Sword Vs Skate! Idiot vs Ditz!

There were only a handful of people at Furinkan that early morning to witness the start of this extra bit of theater to what was starting to become a tradition. One moment Kuno was standing less than a meter from Azusa, bokken drawn. The next Kuno had embedded his bokken into the ground and Azusa was sliding back away from him.

"What? Lil Azusa doesn't want to fight you!"

"Whether or not you desire so is immaterial!" Kuno shouted, "I will not allow one such as you to harass Akane Tendo!"

Azusa blinked. "Huh?"

"I know your schemes, your desires to take her for yourself!" Kuno shouted. "Before you even deign to approach her you shall have to go through me!"

Azusa took that in, before a bright, empty smile popped up on her face. "Ohhhh gotta beat you before I can fight her? OK!"

"Humph. As if some bubble brained girl could even begin to match me, the King of Hearts of- mugumph!" Kuno was interrupted by Azusa suddenly being right up in his face and kicking it. Her shoes were not normal, rather they had wheels hidden within them! A click of her heels and they were roller skates! "Gah!" He swung his bokken at her but she rolled away from the blow. _Such speed!_ He thought.

Azusa blew a raspberry at him. "Too slow! Ugly boy too slow!"

"I was merely caught off guard by your footwear you ditzy deviant." Kuno explained, "Now that I know your speed I can adjust easily!" Adopting perfect Kendo form, he raised up his bokken. "I strike!" He swung it, but his target glided to the left away from the blow. Kuno didn't let this slow him down. "Strike!" He swung again, and again, and again! Soon the school gates and surrounding wall began to crumble from the sheer air pressure from his blows.

Yet Azusa somehow danced around every one, twirling and pirouetting as she did so. By this point several students, including the rest of the boys who attacked Akane in the mornings as well as Nabiki, were all gawking at the sight.

Then, suddenly, Azusa threw out a kick! And Kuno was blown back into the wall of the school. "You done yet?" She asked.

* * *

Nabiki's jaw was hanging down a bit like much of the rest of the gathered Furinkan students.

Nabiki had seen a few of Kuno's kendo matches, and knew the guy was good. Better than Akane even, in her estimation. Yet this random cutesy looking girl was dominating him.

"... is that Azusa Shiratori…"

"...yeah, what's she doing here?"

"Is the other half of the Golden Pair here?"

Nabiki took in these whispers she heard and filed them away for later. It looked like the fight was over. The grounds were torn up and Kuno wasn't moving.

Still, Azusa slowly skated over to him. "Hello? Ugly? You awake?" She approached Kuno, slowly getting closer.

Then, just when she was a mere meter away, Kuno suddenly shot up. "I fight on!" And swung his bokken.

Azusa, to her credit, had the danger sense to realize that she still needed to dodge. Yet, dodging the bokken swing was one thing… dodging the air pressure sent out by the swing was another.

Several boys gasped when her blouse was torn by the wave. Several of these boys wished they had a camera and better view.

Silence followed, for a moment.

"First blood is mine, it seems." Kuno said smugly, completely ignoring the wheel imprints in his face.

"You… ugly… killed… Jeanne…" Azusa muttered, looking down at her dress.

"Pardon?" Kuno said.

"You killed Jeanne!" She screamed, battle aura flaring up. She grasped her blouse, and flung the dress off.

Several boys cheered, even as the air became heavy. The cheers dampened, a little, when it was shown that she had been wearing a leotard with a skirt under her dress. Exactly like the one she wore in her matches. "You leave Azusa no choice… but to use the Dance of Death!"

Everyone familiar with the Golden Pair gasped.

"Come then!" Kuno shouted, "No dance shall defeat me!"

In response Azusa began to spin… and spin, and _spin._ Faster and faster, until she was almost like a tornado! The blur approached Kuno, he swung his sword… only for it to be snapped in two! "What-" But before he could say any more he was caught in the vortex. Azusa spiraling around him, unable to move or do anything, she rotated around him like gear. Kuno himself flailed around, yet he couldn't do anything!

Finally, the spiral of doom backed away from him, and Azusa stopped dancing. She faced away from Kuno, her eyes closed, tears forming, and a flower in her hands. One could almost see the spotlight on her.

Kuno did not say anything. Instead he slowly leaned back, and fell to the ground. Unconscious.

Nobody said anything. What could they say? Kuno had been the school's greatest fighter (and greatest pervert), yet he had been so thoroughly dominated by this interloper from another school.

Eyes opening, Azusa turned around. Her expression grim as she marched towards Kuno. "Ugly will pay for what he did to Jeanne." She said darkly.

Several people gasped. What did she mean? Was she going to inflict some terrible injury on her defeated foe?

Azusa reached the unconscious Kuno, and from somewhere withdrew her instrument of punishment. With the grim countenance of an executioner she began her task,.

 _"Pervert!"_

 _"Ugly!"_

 _"Jerk!"_

Marker in hand, she doodled all over his body, writing insulting nicknames and scribbling black eyes and a fake mustache and goatee on his face.

All observing fell to the ground. _That's her terrible punishment?_ They collectively thought.

With the smile of one having achieved vengeance, Azusa clipped the top back onto Adelene (her pen) and stuck out her tongue at the big, mean brute. Then she turned around back to the crowd. "Now then! Where's Akane Tendo?"

There was a long silence. Nobody seemed to be willing to answer that question. Were they all on this nasty ugly jerk's side? This stick carrying boy reminded her of her perverted partner, Mikado Sanzenin. He was also grabby with girls, very uncute behaviour.

Actually he might be even worse! To think that he'd insinuate something so vile and perverted. Suggesting that Azusa would want to date a girl, just because she wanted to challenge her to a fight? That did not make sense at all to li'l Azusa. No, no, no! Azusa was here to fight Akane, and she would absolutely not tolerate any insinuations to the -

"What in the world happened here?" asked a girl's voice behind Azusa. Aha! This must be her now! Azusa whirled around and took a deep breath, ready to yell out her challenge -

And beheld cuteness unlike any before. She was wearing the same blue uniform as the rest of the girls, yet she seemed to radiate huggability. Those big, clear eyes! The way she was cupping her arms in front of her! Oh! It was sooo cuuuuute!

Of course, Azusa could not have guessed that Akane seemed that cute because the martial arts form she was now practicing enhanced her natural cuteness to the point that the first action she took upon seeing Akane was to bite her fist, skip forwards and then spread her arms wide, wide open and yell "Charlene!" at the top of her lungs.

Now we must look into Akane's thought process since arriving at Furinkan: Great I'll have to deal with Kuno again, that boy does not know when to give up. Huh? He's been knocked out already? Hey, isn't that the girl who was jumping rope this morning? Wh-Why is she coming over here? Oh no! She must be using her own form of the Dojikko-Ken!

And so Akane's martial arts instincts kicked in, by making her suddenly trip over absolutely nothing even though she was standing completely still. "Oopsie!" she cried out while falling backwards. Her feet sailed upwards and hooked around Asuka's head, and then Akane continued falling backwards and performed a backwards roll that ended with Akane on her knees and Azusa tumbling over onto her butt.

"Whew, that was close," Akane sighed, picking herself up and dusting down her skirt. "Could someone please tell me -"

"Charlene!" Azusa glomped. Yes, that is the correct word. She glomped Akane from behind in a tight, vicelike grip and rubbed her cheek up against Akane's. "Oh, Charlene! I have the perfect dress for you to try out! I can't wait to get you out of that icky uniform and into something really cute!"

"Huh? What did you say?" Akane asked. She turned around hard with the one area of her body she could make any momentum come from in this position - her hips. And as many of the boys (and a few girls) at Furinkan high school would happily tell you, Akane's hips can go for days. She tossed the figure skater over her shoulder with ease, but her grip did not slacken in the least. Seeing this, Akane cried out a great big "Oh dear!" and slipped forward, making sure Azusa landed hard on her back while all of Akane's weight struck her right in the torso.

The concrete beneath her cracked. Then, to Akane's utter disbelief, Azusa's grip grew tighter still, threatening to squeeze the life out of her.

"Charlene! You're getting cuter by the moment!"

At which point Akane had no other option but to back away in mortal terror. What was this girl? No, she knew the answer: A true expert in the field of using cuteness to mask how powerful you were. Of course, she didn't yet see the true nature of this battle: Akane may be learning Dojikko-ken, but Azusa's personality had led her to accidentally develop a style that might be considered its perfect counter: The Kawai Moso-Ken, cuteness obsession fist. The cuter and more adorable their target, the tougher they became through sheer, unmitigated willpower.

The cuter Akane made herself, the more determined Azusa was to have her. No, not have her like... I mean add her to her collection. That is, Azusa's collection of cute things. Not cute girls. That's Mikado's collection. The point is that Akane's renewed cuteness regime had become a hindrance to her against this opponent, not a benefit.

"It's true then," she heard a student say. "That girl is smitten with Akane! Look at the way she's clinging to her?"

"And did you hear what she said about undressing her?" another asked. "No doubt about it."

"Hot," said a boy. "Really super hot. Two thumbs up."

Normally Akane would note to herself to glower menacingly at that particular boy later on, but right now she was trying to figure out a way from this struggle. To start with, this girl was scary strong and tough but also super light. Akane had no trouble at all lifting her off the ground, but one glance at the crack beneath where Azusa had been made her hope falter a little. If something like that couldn't make her let go, then what possibly could?

"Charlene," Azusa sighed and nuzzled up against her again.

Argh! This situation is ridiculous! Here she was, standing here, being hugged to death by a girl she carrying in her arms while that same girl was nestling up against her like a great big ba-

Which is when an idea struck her out of the blue. It was a stupid idea. It was a really stupid idea. It couldn't possibly work, it was absurd beyond belief. Yet at the same time it was the only thing she could think of. There's a reason that cornered animals will fight even bigger animals even if they have no chance to win. It's because there are no other options available to them, and right now Akane was completely out of other ideas!

* * *

Mariko was not the kind of girl who cackled. She tittered. She giggled. Nor was she the kind to rub her hands in manic glee. She much preferred to put her hands on her hips and smirk knowingly. Right now she was skipping along towards Furinkan. It had not been easy to set up her little morning off, but there it was. She'd done it! "Mariko, Mariko, if you tried, then you could surely touch the sky!" she cheered to herself while skipping along.

She couldn't help it. She was so excited to see that girl finally put in her place! Maybe if she got there on time she might even be able to lend a little cheering support to Azusa, motivate her into crushing that annoying Tendo girl into oblivion!

At last, she reached the school. Instead of entering through the front gate, Mariko leaped over the wall in a single graceful bound, arching her back and kicking her left leg up high enough that the back of her head very nearly touched her toe. She drew out her baton and had it twirling overhead before she'd even landed. Now Akane would learn the one that had led to her D-O-O-M was none other than M-A-R-I-K-

"Oh?"

The scene before her left Mariko completely mute. Still twirling her baton around from sheer habit, but otherwise totally still. Much the same could be said about the others watching from the windows up above. Not a single one of them could believe what was before their eyes.

"Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep little darling..." Akane crooned off-key. She was gently rocking Azusa back and forth in her arms, and Mariko's hired gun was simply resting there, gently sucking her thumb with her eyes closed. "Go to sleep, go to sleep, and I can't recall the words! So tralala, lalala, lalalalala-la la."

She gently set the sleeping gymnast down on the concrete, where Azusa curled up into a fetal position, sucking her thumb and whispering what sounded like "Charlene" to herself.

"Shush now everyone," Akane whispered. "I just got her down. Please be quiet, don't wake her up." Then off she frolicked inside the school, leaving Mariko standing there with naught to do but stare at Azusa's sleeping body. Stare, and smile in a way that very much looked like it wanted to be upside down.

Stadig by the door, a girl with a pageboy haircut coughed loudly into her hand and then raised her other hand into the air.

"All in favour of pretending none of this ever happened?" she called out.

"Aye!" came the unanimous response. Including from Mariko herself.

"Motion carries!"

"Charlene..." Azusa sighed in her sleep. Mariko's eye twitched, then she reflexively tossed her baton, grabbed it with her other hand and resumed twirling. Now she was really S-T-E-A-M-E-D! If Azusa could be beaten that quickly and neatly, then who on earth could last long enough to show her how that menace worked?

"I shall not let you date the fair Akane!" a hot boy suddenly proclaimed, and oh but Mariko wondered how she had missed him. So rugged and handsome. Oh! Just her type down to a tee! He looked down at Azusa's sleeping form and scoffed. "And so fall all who would dare oppose Tatewaki Kuno, the Rising Star of Furinkan High! Now I shall wait for Akane Tendo with no further obstacles!"


End file.
